punctuative! by Matt Winn

At DrJays, I remember feeling surprised when mainstream publications printed material that demonstrated blatant misunderstanding of the industry. More seasoned folks in the room shrugged. We were relatively “under the radar” anyway, and quietly benefiting from some decent market trends. (Lesson: misunderstanding breeds opportunity.)

So when, in the unfortunately named pop movie A Lot Like Love, starring Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet, Ashton heads to New York City to seek venture funding for his e-tail diaper company, I knew we might be in for some misunderstanding. There was no way Hollywood would nail it in a romantic comedy.

Here’s the pitch, from script-o-rama, with my supplemental brackets and speaker denotations pulled from memory (read, not perfect):

Ashton Kutcher [CEO]: So…the baby…The…Client. The client inputs the child’s data and the baby [a graphical display of one's child] actually tracks its growth. So when it’s time to move up to a bigger size…There it is. Bam. Just on your doorstep. No hassle, no fuss.

VC 1: Does the baby have a name?

Ashton: Does the baby have a name? [pregnant pause] Yes. What were we saying for the baby’s name?

Kal Penn [Business Partner]: Freddy.

Ashton: Freddy.

[VC 1 shakes his head, expresses disapproval]

Ashton: Doesn’t have to be Fred.  Gabe…was another choice that we came up with.

Kal: Gabe the babe.

Ashton: My point is, is that there are [10,000] babies born every hour. That’s [254,000] babies a day. And somebody’s gotta figure out where to put all that shit. I wanna be that guy.

VC 2: [10,000] babies an hour. Wouldn’t that be [240,000] babies a day?

Ashton: Yes.

[break scene]

Kal: It was good, Ollie. You were great. I mean there was that one little thing, but I don’t think it was a big deal.

So of course, they were funded.  Only in the bubble…I mean, Hollywood. I’m not saying that e-tail diapers are a bad idea. In fact, some respected investors think otherwise. The pitch left something to be desired, though, as did the VC temperament on display. In case you were wondering, it’s considered bad manners to openly scoff at highly subjective business ideas, even marketing ones, without so much as a “here’s why” as VC 1 does to the notion of “Freddy” the baby. Poor form, but entertaining on the big screen. And ironically, Fred might not be a terrible name to pitch to one of the clutch of early stage VCs in NYC.

I love that there’s actually an online business lesson framed around this movie.

__________

Photo credit: la gabbianella e il gatto, originally uploaded by ezra rhesus

***New to punctuative?  Consider subscribing to my RSS feed (subscribe here), or sign up for email updates in the box to the right.