Your comments on self-reflection remind me of a story that an attendee of a self-awareness course once shared with me. During the closing discussion, the speaker/instructor engaged the participants in one final exercise: each person was to write down where they saw themselves in 100 years, in 50 years, in 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, 3 years, 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, 1 month, 2 weeks, 1 week, in 24 hrs, and finally in 15 minutes. While she found this exercise intellectually stimulating, the real insight came when they were instructed to share their thoughts with the person sitting to the right. Her partner made a simple but deeply insightful comment: “you mention marrying the man of your dreams and living a happy-balanced life in your 10-year outlook (and beyond), but in your shorter-term outlooks you do not mention the intermediate steps to making these dreams a reality.” The significance struck her instantly: she had detailed steps and milestones on how to successfully achieve her professional and intellectual goals, but no such milestones existed for her personal development and relationship development. She simply had never taken the time to really identify her personal desires/goals and then to think about how she could achieve these.

I think her conclusion merits some brain-cycles in all our heads: personal development and personal satisfaction (as well as relationship development) do not just happen on their own (as Matt’s dad could certainly attest from his long periods of self-reflection). Truly understanding oneself requires conscious and focused efforts. Imagine the level of personal/self comprehension we could each achieve if we were to apply just 2% of the energy, time, and ambition with which we pursue our careers. I think this is what you were challenging each of us with Matt, and the simplicity of the 3 questions you proposed make them an ideal starting point.